A Day in Waiting List

33 was the waiting list status when I booked my train ticket around 2 months back to go to my native on vacation for just more than a week. At Waiting list 33 , I can possibly get the seat confirmed or atleast can get RAC. I did not hesitate to book my ticket as I did not find a better deal, I had no other choice, I booked my tickets.

Days went and I was to leave the next day, so i had to check the status, it was at WL 18. Cool, by the time the chart gets prepared I will atleast get a RAC seat, I slept peacefully that night. D day, 2 hours before the start I checked the status, by then the chart was prepared and I was eager to find my coach... surprise !!! status still WL 18. No change. How could it be, I could not believe my eyes, How can this happen? I tried refereshing the page again and again, cleared the temporaray internet files and pages and tried again. Hmm... Things wont change just beacuas I try again and again, I had to accept my situation. But wait.... How can I manage 24 hours inside the train without a seat for me to even sit? No ways. Just then I decided to stop bothoring my brain and start following my heart. Ha Ha.... how can it have any another thought than going home to experience once again... my own hometown...my own family.. my own friends.. my own places where I have spent the best of my life..... Thats enough I am going. I do not have the ticket confirmed, When I have My will with me, what should I be worried about. I stopped thinking... about the ticket... about 24 hours... about sleep... about a place to sit... about the checks... So I started peacefully from my office, with no much tension I reached the station... waited for some time.. the train arrived and I got in to one on the reserved coaches. To my luck all the coaches were fully loaded... peak season. I was finding difficult to find a place to stand even... gr888... I just knew I am going to have the fun of my life... I was actually laughing, I am going to experience something which I have never experienced before... I was filled with thrill, eagerly awaiting for the next minute to see what it holds for me. The Journey just started, A Happy Journey hopefully.

I found a place to put my legs just besides the door, thankfully I normally do not carry heavy luggage with me. Well, What next, what am I going to do. I started to look here there and everywhere..... at people... at empty seats... at the poor people standing besides me in the same situation as I am. Seeing some of them I felt I am far lucky enough, they were carrying loads of luggages. hooh... I can not even thingk of. how are they going to manage. Anyways not my headache. Just then a good looking beautiful girl got in (he he) and occupied the seat just besides the door just opposite to where I was standing. And within few minutes a few more than a couple of eye contacts accidentally happened with her. My luck was just getting better... Isn't it... ofcourse, It would have been if I was still in my college days wandering wihtout anything in mind. But now many things have changed. I have many other things to think about... I have a comitted job... I have my family whom I have to hold... persons who rely on me... persons who trust me and who need me... I am already occupied with many more things in life and committed to many more things. I have to move on, she can not hold me. By that time the crowd in that coach was growing and I decided to go away from there to look for a better place, atleat a bit lesser crowd. I went wandering indise here and there and found a place for me to stand in one of the other coaches, this time too.. near the door, but wait no good looking girls near by. You know that Doesn't matter for me now. Not only with me, this would be the same with many of the just started working youngsters today who were wandering like a free bird in their college days a few years back.

Nearby i found a family with a couple of kids and they were not occupying the upper births. I have a chance to sit for sometime till the night falls. But I was reluctant to ask them, I was not sure if they will allow me. I was bit too reluctant to give away. Then I asked to myself, what if they dont accept.... I am not going to loose anything. What if they accept, yes... a bulb was glowing above my head. What is there in trying what I can so that I will not regret for it later. He he... I just did and i got a place to sit and relax for some time.

When u r relaxed u start thinking about all the wanted and unwanted things and the same just happened with me. I started thinking about something which was not going my way and it was over occupying my mind and I was stuck to think of anything else. I know I had to come out of it but I was not able to . I know whatever happened and whatever will happen is not in my hands and I can not do anything to change something which is not in my hands. I felt like crying, I went to the wash room... cried as much as possible... when I came out... I felt realy good. The thing which was occpuying me looked different to me now. I felt light. Not only laughter... even cying does gets out of all the pain and stress. I did realize it. I was back to the seat with a fresh free mind.

I was just wondering at a little cute kid just sitting opposite to me. The kid's mother was having a small quarell with the fellow passenger and this kid was shouting at her mother "Why are you fighting, stop it". kids are more mature than the grown ups... seems so they dont worry about anything. The other cute kid was playing and having fun and was enjoying... the kid was playing with nothing ... actually nothing.... there was no one awake around, nor there was any toy, the kid was playing with just a iron rod to prevent him fall down. Hmm... How good it would have been if I had never grown up this big and remained as a kid... playing with everything I can... not worrying about anything which i get or which i do not get... with no worries... with no pain... with no pressure... with no limits.... with no fear... with no commitments... with no wishes... will that ever happen again in my life? see again i am wishing for something.... This can never happen, I have to convince myself, I have travelled a bit too far from my childhood, but still I can go back. I have to just make up my mind to go back and when I have my will with me I need not care about anything else. After all I do what I think and what I want, why cant I think to do something which can make me feel better, I know I can, everyone can. Just that the first barrier of making up the mind to do what the heart feels needs to be crossed and when it is done the world is a playground. Winning and loosing doesn't matter when it comes to a game, all it matter is how much I have enjoyed the game. Thats what exactly I am going to do, atleast I will try to do.

It was night and I had to leave the seat, I has no other place to sit than at the door steps, I did not have a second though I went and sat there. I could see a beautiful view oustide.. It was midnight... wonderful breeze... bright moon.... snow white clouds playing hide and seek with the moon and the stars... just the music of the raging train was audible and nothing else. I had never experienced something like this before, so pleasing... so beautiful... so fresh... so new... gr8 I am happy I did not get a confimed ticked, I would have missed all these for for just sleeping comfortabley in my birth. There is a good in everything. After a while i felt very sleepy and just besides the door I started sleeping. A thought came in to my mind just then, A software enginner earning so much sleeping like this like a no commentable guy, cant even think of it , But wait why should I think... This one is all I have right now and where would I have been if I was actually not who I am and just like one other un-commentable poor chap who was not previleged enough to get the facitlites which I have got in my life, I would have been sleeping at the same place only. Hmm thats absolutely right. It was just about making up the mind, It was just about accepting the actual truth. I am not the owner of whatever I am holding right now, I am just using them... so why should I consider myself big about something which came to me from nowherere and nothing, May be a bit of my efforts which I was previleged enough to use them properly, I did not do anything special to feel big. So I did sleep there peacefully for sometime. Later a person offered his seat as he got up and I had a seat at last to sleep, but there was no difference in feeling by heart, just a bit more physical comfort was there in this new seat and nothing else.

The night passed peacefully and so the day, I managed almost around 24 hours with nothing in hands but just with the will to reach my native as I wanted. It was time for me to get down at my native, a very small town which people would not have heard of. Not many people will get down here. I was happy to get down and I am there as I wanted at the time I wanted to be there.

I just took a few steps forward to go out of the station and surprise !!!! that girl, that good looking beautiful girl whom I saw when I got in to the train was walking in front of me. I had to believe what I was seeing, may be this is her native too. I continued to walk my way, she was just another girl I met in my daily life. Is this called life?... Where Interest keeps changing as the life moves on... the things which interested me the most once upon a time now seemed to be of very less significance. Actually nothing has changed, but only the way I am thinking. So, Why can't I think of what,where and how I want to be? I know I can.

What should I be worried about when I know I am responsible for whatever happening to me. What I think is what I am ... and... I am what I want to be. This is my life and I am going to live it my own way. Who on earth has the right to question me? except myself any my conscience!